Boundaries. What comes to mind when you hear that word? Good? Bad? Boundaries is like a fenced in yard that keeps you from getting out and getting hurt, but it also keeps bad things from getting inside the fence which can protect you. It's all in the way you look at it.
One day someone explained how boundaries can protect me. She said you have to know your limitations. For instance, I know that I cannot bake something every night of the week, stay up late, find an outfit for a party that weekend, work on Christmas cards, and still get enough rest to go to work the next day AND not be stressed. So, for me, I know I have to either give something up or delegate. Knowing this has helped my stress level immensely, made me happier, and I enjoy things a lot more. However, setting boundaries takes practice, but again we need to change our thinking because once we get used to setting boundaries life will be more enjoyable.
In the past, it was very difficult for me to say no to anyone. Due to that reason, there came a time in my life where I had to make a choice (set a boundary). I put stress on myself by feeling I had to accomplish certain things AND I found it extremely difficult to say no. To decrease my stress level, I had to decide what things I could give up and what things I could handle. Basically, I was setting boundaries.
Here are some examples of things to consider setting boundaries on:
* Christmas cards and/or pictures for Christmas cards
* Buying gifts and how much to spend (which will help your budget)
* How many parties do we go to
* Where do we make the cut off of who to buy gifts for
* Who's house do we go to for each holiday and how many in one day
* Oh My Gosh, can we tell Aunt Sally we cannot come to her house this year when we have went there for the last 5-10 years
Now, you are probably thinking 'I can't tell Aunt Sally I won't be there for dinner and we have to buy Uncle Pete's daughter's child a gift for Christmas', right?
I didn't say this would be easy, but I believe you might feel relieved; I definitely have. I'll be honest, each year something comes up and it is difficult to set a boundary, but I have to do it for my health. I now know what happens to me when I don't set a boundary; my personal stress level goes up, I become irritable and impatient.
I'm finally more aware of my triggers so I know where to set my boundaries. There are things I have chosen not to do anymore at the holiday time. I have had to stop a couple traditions. I plan ahead and know who I'll buy gifts for and how much I'll spend. This did not all happen at once though, but each one has helped my physical and psychological well being.
Warning: People will not like it when you set boundaries, because when you set boundaries they don't get "their" way. But if I don't set boundaries, I'm the one who pays the price not them. A very dear friend taught me two statements many years ago that have been so so helpful for me:
1) I'm sorry I'm not going to be able to do that.
2) Let me check my schedule and I'll get back to you.
Start thinking now about what you want your holiday season to look like. Set your boundaries now. Start practicing the statements above. I have had to practice saying them out loud over and over to help me in certain situations which might come up. It seems silly, but if it is difficult for you to tell people no or feel like you are letting them down, practicing saying these things may just help you.
Send me a comment of your thoughts and ideas about how manage your holidays and boundaries you use. Your comments could help many others. May your holidays be set with boundaries that bring you peace.
