Boundaries for the Holidays

Boundaries.  What comes to mind when you hear that word?  Good? Bad?  Boundaries is like a fenced in yard that keeps you from getting out and getting hurt, but it also keeps bad things from getting inside the fence which can protect you.  It's all in the way you look at it.  

One day someone explained how boundaries can protect me.  She said you have to know your limitations.  For instance, I know that I cannot bake something every night of the week, stay up late, find an outfit for a party that weekend, work on Christmas cards, and still get enough rest to go to work the next day AND not be stressed.  So, for me, I know I have to either give something up or delegate.  Knowing this has helped my stress level immensely, made me happier, and I enjoy things a lot more.  However, setting boundaries takes practice, but again we need to change our thinking because once we get used to setting boundaries life will be more enjoyable.

In the past, it was very difficult for me to say no to anyone.  Due to that reason, there came a time in my life where I had to make a choice (set a boundary).  I put stress on myself by feeling I had to accomplish certain things AND I found it extremely difficult to say no.  To decrease my stress level, I had to decide what things I could give up and what things I could handle.  Basically, I was setting boundaries.    

Here are some examples of things to consider setting boundaries on:

* Christmas cards and/or pictures for Christmas cards

* Buying gifts and how much to spend (which will help your budget)

* How many parties do we go to

* Where do we make the cut off of who to buy gifts for

* Who's house do we go to for each holiday and how many in one day

* Oh My Gosh, can we tell Aunt Sally we cannot come to her house this year when we have went there for the last 5-10 years

Now, you are probably thinking 'I can't tell Aunt Sally I won't be there for dinner and we have to buy Uncle Pete's daughter's child a gift for Christmas', right?

I didn't say this would be easy, but I believe you might feel relieved; I definitely have.  I'll be honest, each year something comes up and it is difficult to set a boundary, but I have to do it for my health.  I now know what happens to me when I don't set a boundary; my personal stress level goes up, I become irritable and impatient.  

I'm finally more aware of my triggers so I know where to set my boundaries.  There are things I have chosen not to do anymore at the holiday time.  I have had to stop a couple traditions.  I plan ahead and know who I'll buy gifts for and how much I'll spend.  This did not all happen at once though, but each one has helped my physical and psychological well being.  

Warning:  People will not like it when you set boundaries, because when you set boundaries they don't get "their" way.  But if I don't set boundaries, I'm the one who pays the price not them.  A very dear friend taught me two statements many years ago that have been so so helpful for me: 

1) I'm sorry I'm not going to be able to do that.

2) Let me check my schedule and I'll get back to you.

Start thinking now about what you want your holiday season to look like.  Set your boundaries now.  Start practicing the statements above.  I have had to practice saying them out loud over and over to help me in certain situations which might come up.  It seems silly, but if it is difficult for you to tell people no or feel like you are letting them down, practicing saying these things may just help you.

Send me a comment of your thoughts and ideas about how manage your holidays and boundaries you use.  Your comments could help many others.  May your holidays be set with boundaries that bring you peace.

S.A.D. - Seasonal Affective Disorder

Seasonal Affective Disorder kind of sounds like something to do with allergies, huh?  Well, not the case, but it could effect just as many people.  

This disorder is a type of depression which occurs usually in autumn and winter.  This is the time of year when the days get shorter and dark. The reason it occurs mostly during the winter months is due to lack of sunlight. Other situations in which people don’t get enough sunlight include cloudy or rainy periods at other times of year, living in dark places and working for long hours in dark offices. Whenever there is insufficient sunlight, those people who are vulnerable to Seasonal Affective Disorder may develop symptoms.

The symptoms include fatigue, depression, crying spells, irritability, trouble concentrating, body aches, poor sleep, decreased activity level and over eating.  

Women are about four times as likely to develop SAD as are men. During the winter months, people with SAD are less able to handle stress than they are at other times of year. 

There are several ways to treat SAD and combining the treatments can make things better. 

1) Light therapy - Because SAD is triggered by decreased light.  You can get outdoors more.  You can bring more lighting into your home or office with regular lamps.  There is also phototherapy which can be purchased in the form of light boxes.  I use one every morning while getting ready for work.  I know people who put them on their treadmill in the morning when working out.  If interested look into it or email me.

2) Stress Management - Winter months also come with holidays which obviously brings even more stress than normal.  People with SAD have a decreased ability to handle stress which can cause them to go into a deeper depression.  Refer back to some of my previous blogs on ideas to help handle these triggers.

3) Counseling - For me, my counselor and psychiatrist are very essential.  It has helped me regain stability.  They will also help with ideas for you specifically on how to handle this time in your life.

4) Prescribed antidepressant medications - If you are aware this disorder affects you, the more you incorporate the above suggestions, the more it could reduce you needing antidepressants if at all.  For me since I take antidepressants, we usually just have to make an adjustment through this time and then once the season changes, we go right back to the original medication.

5) Watch your diet - Yuck, who wants to be told that, right?  However, if you are one of us who have SAD, we often crave sweets and starches i.e. all the weight gaining foods.  This is a bad cycle because these foods make you feel good for a short time, then you feel tired, and if you are like me, you want to eat more.  This is an extremely difficult task for me as I am already a stress eater, so when you add SAD to it.....Well, you can figure out the rest.

I encourage you to do a self-check to see if this is something that might be going on.  Even if you do not have a diagnosis of a mental disorder, this can still affect you.  Don't be afraid and think you will be on medication the rest of your life if that is suggested to you by a professional.  But I know it has helped me and others I know to manage this time of year.  

Isn't it worth it to feel better during this time of year?

Walkinitthru?????

I came up with the title of my blog and Facebook page because during my journeys of depression there were times I just did not want to function.  Some times were harder than others.  Many times I could not get out of bed and did not want to get out of bed.  Functioning was not something I felt I could do mentally and physically.

Many people think you can just put your big girl or boy drawers on and go.  At times, it is not possible.  It is not about sucking it up and moving.  It is a mental issue/disorder.  It is something medical; a disease with a diagnosis.  It is similar to being diagnosed with hypertension, cancer, diabetes, etc.  You are diagnosed with a mental disorder of some type.

You hear people say 'one day at a time'.  Sometimes if I could get through one task at a time it was encouraging to me.  But A LOT of the time it was one minute at a time.  The thought of having to move was almost unbearable. 

So walkinitthru is something each of us have to and need to choose to do every single day.  It could be baby steps, minute by minute or day by day.  I encourage you to try with all your might to set a goal to walk, move or think yourself towards a goal.  When we have a goal and we accomplish it, it encourages us and makes us feel good and like we can do it again.  My desire to help you with these blogs and Facebook posts is to encourage you to do just that. 

If I can help in any way, please comment back or send an email to sandy@walkinitthru.com.  I would love to help in anyway I can!!!

Back to School (Happiness or Sadness)

It’s that time of year again.  Can you believe it?  August AND back to school time.  This time of year can stir up a lot of feelings for a variety of individuals.  In this day and time, we have kids who go to public and private schools.  We have stay-at-home moms and dads.  We have home schooling.  We have caregivers/parents/guardians who work as well.  Along with the variety of individuals as well as the variety of schooling, people can have a lot of anxiety as well as depression.

Words that come to my mind when I hear back to school is money, clothes, school supplies, shopping, bullying, safety issues, etc.  It is very expensive to get all the items needed for school.  Safety issues in this day and time have deemed it to make things very specific like clear backpacks, etc.  We now have to purchase hand sanitizer and more tissues and no pointy scissors.  Then, if you do not like to shop, it makes it worse.  Sadly enough, people are almost as pushy and vicious during this time of year as they are on Black Friday.  Right?!  

Clothing is just as bad.  Some schools require uniforms which cannot obviously be purchased easily although it is getting better than it used to be.  Some schools have a dress code regarding the sayings on T-shirts, how short you can wear your shorts, and how much shoulder you can show with girls tops.  There are even schools where you cannot wear certain colors due to gang problems. 

Now, if you home school obviously some of this may not apply.  However, you have to get organized from a teacher’s point of view.  You have to be prepared on things you want to teach and supplies you have to buy.  She have to work on managing teaching time as well has keep up a household.  

Then there is another issue maybe not talked about as much which is stress because their children are going back to school and they will be all alone.  Many moms and dads are excited the kids are going back to school so the house will be less cluttered and quieter and the electric bill may even go down from the doors opening and closing all the time.  Some people have anxiety and depression because their children are going back to school.  The feelings of not being needed surface.  Sometimes having an idle mind or being alone is difficult.  

Here are some ideas to help you in some of these areas no matter which way you feel:

·         Get someone to do your school supply shopping for you (as a grandma I enjoy doing that)

·         Shop on line for school supplies and clothes

·         Make a lunch date with a friend and do it together

·         If you aren’t an organized person, find someone who loves to do that and have them help or do it for you

·         If you don’t like being alone, find an activity to do during school hours when you kids are at school

·         Make a new friend

·         Volunteer

·         Work on holiday things now so you aren’t so stressed out at holiday time.  If you get started on it now, you will be able to enjoy the holidays and be less stressed then

·         Read

·         Find new recipes

·         Find a project

These can be difficult times for different reasons.  Since you already know certain things cause anxiety and/or depression, your best plan of action is to plan ahead.  This will help keep you in a good place!!! 

MOVIES

Have you ever wanted to know what the future looks like in your life?  

When I am depressed is usually when I want to know what’s going to happen in the future.  The reason being is I want to know when all this pain and struggle is going to end.  It seems like time crawls at a turtle’s pace, and sometimes it feels like I am trying to walk through quicksand during my depressive episodes.  

The questions I ask myself are:

*   When will this depression stop?

*   Will I ever be happy or in a good mood?

*   When will I ever feel like doing activities again?

*   Are there good things in the future for me?

Something came across my mind the other day about movies and how they relate to our lives.  Think about this for a minute.  When you are watching a movie with different stories going on at the same time, you, as the person watching, knows what is happening in each story.  You can see all story lines at the same time and know what is about to happen.  Obviously, the person in the story, however, does not.  I find myself saying “no don’t do that” or “no don’t say yes to the marriage proposal, he’s been cheating on you”, etc.  Or maybe the person doesn’t want to take a risk and you can see all the good things that would come from it if they just said yes.  But, as you know, the person in the movie has no idea what is about to happen.  

I think this is kind of what our lives are like and God is watching us in the movie.  God knows what is about to happen, good or bad.  God has given us a choice.  He is not a puppet master.  He lets us make our own choices in every area of our lives.  He’s the one saying “no don’t say yes to that marriage proposal” or “say yes there are such good things ahead for you”.  

My point is to keep moving.  But because God knows what is going to happen in the “movie” called our life, we should ask Him which way to go.  Trust God in that direction.  Ask trusted people in your life to help you, as sometimes when we are in a depressed state we cannot see outside our circumstances.  God talks to us through others.

Just know there are good things coming in your life; DON’T GIVE UP, PLEASE!!!  You wouldn’t want to miss out.  Keep hanging on.  Keep telling yourself I can make it.  BECAUSE YOU CAN!!!  IT IS WORTH IT AND SO ARE YOU!!!!!

Depression

Just like in a previous blog talking about the different types of anxiety, there are different types of depression; mild and severe depression.  Mild is temporary usually caused by something like the death of a loved one or a medical condition which once treated the depression goes away.  Severe depression is chronic (ongoing/persistent).  There are several titles, if you will, for depression.  You might hear it referred to as clinical depression, major depression, or major depressive disorder.  They all mean the same thing.

Most of us who have severe depression do not want others to know it.  The stigma of depression makes us want to keep it hidden.  There are different stigmas placed on groups of people such as ethnicity, racial, criminals, and people with certain diseases.  Severe depression does not just go away over time.  Most of us diagnosed with this need counseling and/or medication.  However, it can be managed.  We can manage it with those things.  Also knowing where it comes from and why we have it can give us some power and control.  It can help us manage our depression and help us understand we are not "abnormal" and we have nothing to be ashamed of.  Being diagnosed with severe depression is no different than being diagnosed with hypertension.  Our brain is an organ just like our heart and sometimes different organs in our body need help to make them function correctly.

When you go to doctor to get help with any medical problem, they always ask questions.  This helps them decide which avenue they need to take to come to a diagnosis and a plan for treatment.  It is the same with depression because, again, it is a medical condition NOT a mental condition.  Some of the questions you might be asked are:

*  Do you feel sad, empty, or tearful a lot?
*  Do you have decreased interest in activities?
*  Have you had significant weight gain, weight loss, and/or increased or decreased appetite?
*  Have you had insomnia or an increased desire to sleep more?
*  Have you had loss of energy or feel fatigued often?
*  Do you have feelings of worthlessness or excessive feelings of guilt?
*  Have you been having difficulty making decisions or trouble concentrating?
*  Have you been having recurrent thoughts of death or suicide or a suicide attempt?

If you can answer yes to at least 5 of the above questions with the symptoms lasting most of the day or all day for over a two-week period, you could be diagnosed with severe depression.

It is not easy to answer these questions especially if you answer yes to them.  We don't want to admit it to ourselves, but you can get help!!!!  Just like you would get help for hypertension, a sinus infection, diabetes, etc., severe depression can be treated as well.  Please consider this for yourself or forward it to someone who it could help.

On a side note, the above is medical information you could find on the internet or by going to your physician, but I would like to say one thing that was personally freeing for me.  Christians can have depression too.  My pastor said 'God loves you and does not want you to feel this way'.  My pastor believes and I believe as well, God has provided us with physicians who can help us get well or manage our illness.  Why not use everything in our arsenal to get better whether it is medication, counseling, prayer, etc.  Use them all so you can get better and live the life you are meant to live!

If you have any questions or just need to talk, please email me personally at sandy@walkinitthru.com.

If blessings were raindrops, how wet would you get?

I heard this saying on a Christian radio station and it really caught my attention.  If blessings were raindrops, how wet would you get?  I started really contemplating and visualizing this concept.  How wet would you get?  I bet most of us would be wetter than we think.  There are probably many people who think blessings are only big and/or tangible things.  While that can be the case, I believe we have so many blessings that may seem small or insignificant until we don't have them. 

For instance, if you are a healthy person i.e. no chronic illnesses or body pains, you don't think much about it until it happens to you.  Then if it happens to you, you realize how good you had it because now those things have altered your life.  Perhaps, you had a good job and life was going great, then the economy changes and you had to rearrange your lifestyle; perhaps getting rid of cable TV, internet, cut back on going out to eat, etc.  We take for granted getting home safely until someone rams into you out of nowhere. 

I think, myself included, when we pray and thank God for our health, our job, our family, etc., we sometimes make our thankfulness so broad and say it almost as a habit that we don't really think about how big of a blessing it is.  Therefore, many of us take a lot of things for granted.  

Let's make a list of blessings that may not seem big but really are blessings:

* a family who loves you

* parents or loved ones who are still alive

* an air conditioner or heater in your car or even having a car 

* the ability to afford getting you hair cut and fixed

* having a roof over your head 

* the ability to see or hear

* the ability to read

* the opportunity to have a child

* having food on your table even if it is a peanut butter sandwich

* the ability to walk or run

* a pillow and a blanket

I could go on and on.  Think about your life.  Ask yourself "if I didn't have this or that would I still be blessed"?  How wet would you really be if your blessings were raindrops?

Let's be real

I don't want to sound negative, but I want to be real.  I've been contemplating this blog for several days.  Most Blogs and Facebook posts are full of encouragement.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with that; WE ALL NEED AS MUCH ENCOURAGEMENT AND POSITIVITY IN OUR LIVES AS WE CAN GET!  However, life is really really hard sometimes.

The difficulties do not have to be huge to make a major change in our lives.  Hmm, huge; that depends on your perspective.

Obviously, huge could be:
- Loss of a loved one
- A major illness
- Loss of a job
- Addictions

But huge can also be:
- Not wanting to fake being happy today because you're really not
- Forcing yourself to go to work
- Defeating thoughts in your head telling you 'what's the use of trying'
- Feelings of sadness, but you don't know why
- Frustration with yourself because you're not where you want to be, but you really don't have the desire or motivation to get there
- No motivation to do anything; not even think

I admire people who have a positive attitude and can encourage themselves.  I am an encourager, but  I find it much easier to encourage others.  I find it very hard to encourage myself, but with God's help I'm getting better.

My pastor often says when you preach or teach on something it is usually because you need it yourself.  I find this true personally as well.  As I was thinking about all the things that get posted on Facebook or Blogs, I realized people are stating what they believe but also what they want to believe in.

I guess my main purpose of this message is to let you know that the struggle is real.  It happens at different times for different reasons, but none the less it is real.  AND it's ok.

Anxiety

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health concern in the United States.  An estimated 40 million adults in the United States have an anxiety disorder.  This does not include teenagers and children who suffer from this disorder.  

There are different types of anxiety disorders with different symptoms.  However, all anxiety disorders have one thing in common: persistent, excessive fear or worry in situations that are not threatening.  People can experience one or more of the following symptoms:

Emotional symptoms:

• Feelings of apprehension or dread

• Feeling tense and jumpy

• Restlessness or irritability

• Anticipating the worst

Physical symptoms:

• Pounding or racing heart and shortness of breath

• Upset stomach

• Sweating, tremors and twitches

• Headaches, fatigue and insomnia

• Upset stomach, frequent urination or diarrhea

Below are different types of anxiety disorders including:  

Panic Attacks

The feelings of a panic attack have similar symptoms to a heart attack.  A panic attack can have symptoms such as chest pain, heart palpitations, dizziness, shortness of breath and stomach upset.  Many people will go to desperate measures to avoid having an attack, including social isolation or avoiding going to specific places.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

The feelings with disorder are chronic, exaggerated worrying about everyday life.  This can consume hours each day, making it hard to concentrate or finish routine daily tasks.  This can cause you to be exhausted by worrying and may experience headaches, tension or nausea.

Social Anxiety Disorder

Unlike shyness, this disorder causes intense fear about social humiliation–“saying something stupid,” or “not knowing what to say.”  Someone with social anxiety disorder may not take part in conversations, contribute to class discussions, or offer their ideas, and may become isolated.

Causes of these anxiety disorders can be genetic and/or stressful/traumatic events such as abuse, death of a loved one, violence or prolonged illness.

The physical symptoms of an anxiety disorder can be easily confused with other medical conditions like heart disease or hyperthyroidism.  Therefore, a doctor will likely perform an evaluation involving a physical examination, an interview and lab tests. After ruling out a medical illness, the doctor may recommend a person see a psychiatrist to make a diagnosis.  A psychiatrist is a physician who specializes in mental health disorders and can prescribe medications if needed.

As each anxiety disorder has a different set of symptoms, the types of treatment that physician may suggest can vary as well.  But there are common types of treatment that are used such as counseling, medications and/or learning relaxation techniques.

I pray this provides good information in understanding one area of mental health issues.  

Stop "SHOULDING"

Recently I posted about negative thoughts.  This post follows that one very easily.  As I was driving one day and thinking about things, I realized not only the negative thoughts going through my head, but I was thinking about the things I should have done and haven't.

You should be working on eating healthier.  You should be spending more time studying God's word. You should be working on your "to-do" list.  

While those statements are true, we cannot let them be used to beat ourselves up.  We should be giving ourselves mercy.  The definition of mercy is compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm.  For most of us, it is easy to give mercy, but for many of us it is hard to give it to ourselves.  God says to us in His Word; His mercy is new every morning.  

Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV) The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  

In this day and time, there are so many, and sometimes too many things, on our plate.  Sometimes my plate is so full I can't get it all done and then I beginning shoulding.  I believe in many instances I do this to myself.  I have a calendar and a to-do list and then things come up unexpectedly which throws off my schedule.  I do not leave any room for these unexpected things.  Then my plan is all thrown off.  This is were the shoulding begins. 

Shoulding can lead to negative talk.  'You should have done this, but you are not organized enough or good enough or talented enough or smart enough'.  These are the negative things we start saying to ourselves.  This is where mercy should happen.  

Practice this saying the word MERCY when you hear yourself shoulding.  The more you practice this in your head (which is where we say it the most), the less it will happen.  

Give yourself a break, God does!!!!

Think about what you think about

Think about what you think about.  Weird suggestion, huh?  But....have you ever done it?  Have you ever paid attention to what goes through your head?  Have you ever stopped and listened to yourself?

For some reason, I woke up one morning with that question on my mind.  I laid in bed thinking about the question and trying to answer it.  These were my thoughts:  'Why do I want to even get up today.  I don't have anything to contribute.  I'm not happy about the way I look.  I'm fat and nothing I put on makes me look decent.  I try to be a good person and positive, but I fail 15 minutes after I get to work.  No one can see God in me.  How can they?  My mouth opens up and before I know it my thoughts are out in the open and I can't take them back.'  The thoughts running through my head alone could depress me enough on a good day.  And that is interesting, because I think these thoughts often whether I'm in a depressed state or not.

My pastor said in a sermon once we have 50,000 thoughts per day and 85% of them are negative.  I have also heard for every negative comment you say or hear it takes 7 positive ones to cancel that one out.

So now, think about what I said.  I counted them and there were 8 negative things I thought before I even got out of bed in less than a 5 minute period.  So, it would take 56 positive thoughts just to cancel out those 8 negative thoughts from those first 5 minutes of the morning.  Now, how many of us really tell ourselves positive things?  Do you answer yourself with something positive when you say or think something negative?  I tried it one morning.  It was pretty difficult!

It took me years of therapy to be able to hear positive things from people.  It took more time to be able to say something nice about myself.  But you know what?  God doesn't make junk!!!!  We all are 'beautifully and wonderfully made' (Psalm 139:14 NIV).  There are qualities about each of us no one else has.  If this is something difficult for you to do, I understand.  But I challenge you to look in the mirror each morning and say at least one positive thing about yourself, but you have to say it out loud.  Then when a negative thought comes across your mind, repeat the positive thing you said to yourself earlier in the day.  Start small.  Start simple.  For example, I have pretty eyes; my hair looks good today; I am a kind person......

Each of us are important and are worth positive thoughts and words!!!!!

Depression can be sneaky!

Depression can sneak up on you.  Life can be floating along, everything going well.  You are living life, doing things with family and friends, and doing your normal routine.

Then one day you just feel blah, but you do not know why so you just shove it off.  Nothing has really happened to cause you to feel that way so you just assume you are tired and it will go away tomorrow.  Then it is a week later and you realize you still feel the same way.  Maybe you have scheduled activities you do not want to do, but you go ahead and do them anyway.  The depression feelings are not as prevalent in your mind, but you keep moving and doing life and keep moving and doing life.  This is a good thing. 

Now it is a couple weeks later and you realize you have not been able to shake these feelings because now you start isolating yourself.  You do not want to participate in anything.  Your house is your friend.  You maybe even take a day off work. 

At this point, you have become aware of your triggers.  What do you do?  You have to keep doing what you should do i.e. go to those activities, call friends to encourage you and let them know what is going on so they can check on you and pray for you.  Journaling is great because as you write sometimes things come out in your writing which your brain did not think about.  Rest.  It is okay to take a day off, but not three days.

If you figure out what is going on, take steps to correct it.  If you are on medication, it could be they need to be adjusted.  If you are dealing with many stressful issues, maybe distancing yourself from those if you can.  If you are a spiritual person, as I am, go to church whether you feel like it or not, look for scriptures which will strengthen you, and pray.

Although in the midst of this time, I get frustrated because I think I should not be getting depressed anymore since I am working so hard to fight against it.  However, the reality is, we all have these times.  If you are clinically depressed which means you have been diagnosed with depression, unfortunately, it may never totally go away, but it is definitely manageable.  Just hang on.  Grab hold of the above things or something that has worked for you in the past!  

Give Yourself Permission

Doesn't that seem like a strange thing to say; give yourself permission?

When we were children, we had to ask our parents or an adult for permission to do something or go somewhere.  Sometimes we would be able to and sometimes not.  As adults, we don't usually have to ask for permission unless it's time off from our job or from some responsibility we have.  In general, however, we can eat when we want, we can be on the computer as much as we want, stay up as long as we want, etc.

I remember when my kids were in school.  They worked really hard at homework, school projects, church activities, and other activities they were involved in.  They had this tendency, even at a young age, to pile on things.  We do this as adults all the time.  I told my kids when they needed a break just to let me know and they had my permission to take a day off from school.  Occasionally, when I could see they were getting to a point of needing a break, I would ask them if they wanted to stay home from school.  I wanted to remind them it was okay to take a break sometimes.

As adults. we have a huge load of responsibility.  We work, go to school, we are married, we volunteer, we go to our children's functions and help them with homework.  We also have to pay bills, go grocery shopping, and clothes shopping for ourselves and our family.  Some of us have grandkids we also want to make time for.  We go to church or other groups we are involved in.  We have to take care of the house and/or the lawn.  The list never stops.

Have you ever given yourself permission to sit and read a book?  How about permission to skip mowing the lawn until tomorrow night?  Will the world come to an end if we don't get it done? We need rest to be the best we can be.

What about permission for other things like being sad, being happy, being silly, or feeling lonely?  It's  okay to have these feelings as well.  As adults, I believe we push those things aside because we have so much to do.  We need to allow ourselves these things as well.  They are just as important as the physical things we need to do.  One of the things my counselor told me was to say it out loud so you can hear yourself.  "Sandy, you have my permission to cry for 15 minutes".  "Sandy, you have my permission to take a 30 minute nap when you get home from work".  Saying things out loud seems to be more effective.  It's amazing what this can do for your well being.  You are giving yourself a gift by giving yourself permission to have or do something you need,
and I believe this will help you be a better you!!!

I CAN'T..........

I can't take this anymore!  I can't do this anymore!  I don't know how many times I have said this in my lifetime!

Things happened at different times in my life and I told myself "I don't think I can do this anymore"; some by my own fault and some not.  As a teenager, I would feel left out or not important enough.  I have even felt the same way in certain jobs throughout my life.

As a mom, trying to instill the right things in my children's lives feeling like I said the same things OVER AND OVER again and I just didn't think they are getting it.

\

There are so many areas of struggle in each of our lives, i.e. financial stress, making a big mistake which will take a long time to fix or rectify, marital struggles, death of those we love, physical pain in our bodies, etc.  Life, the enemy, throws everything under the sun at us and I mean EVERYTHING!  As I am typing this, it just seems so basic and generic, but these things are so real and so raw for a large majority of us.  Some people struggle with this periodically, but some have done this on a daily basis so much so it gets to that point you say "I really don't think I can do this anymore".

I am a fixer so when I can't fix something in my own life or the life of the people I love, I can let it consume me.  I have done so at times that I have literally been in the floor sobbing and gasping for air because I can't fix it and I hurt so bad for them.  I have felt that way myself through my times of depression.  There wasn't enough food, anti-anxiety medication, or sleeping to make anything go away.  I would pace the floor trying to think of a solution or a way out of what I was going through.

I'm not sure where you are in life right now.  What I do know is "YOU CAN DO THIS!"  I didn't say it would be easy, but here are, what I feel, at 3 essential steps to take:
1) Let at least 1 person know you are struggling.  This could be the hardest of all, but the best thing you could ever do.
2) Make a promise to someone that you won't give up.
3) Find an accountability/prayer partner which could be the person you tell.

If you have never been through anything similar to this, I am very happy for you!!!  For those of us who have, we don't feel like anyone has ever been through or understands where we are.  However, let me tell you there are a lot of people who have been where you are.  Even if they haven't been exactly where you are, there are people who love you so much, would never be ashamed of you, or even make fun of you.  Don't give up!  Let someone in!  Let someone love on you!  Let someone share the load!  Sometimes if we share, they may even have 'a way out' for you or be willing to walk through it with you.

It is not easy for me to open up and share my struggles when I'm going through things.  I was going through something once and decided to share it with a friend.  She would hold me when I sobbed.  She prayed with me and for me.  She smiled and checked in on me often.  Then she celebrated with me when I got through it.

I am sure you have heard the saying 'God won't put more on you than you can handle'.  Guess what? That is biblical.  In 1 Corinthians 10:13 it says 'No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. (which means it is a common problem many of us have or are going through)  And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. (You can do this)  But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.'  God is faithful!  God does what he says!

TIRED/WEARY/EXHAUSTED!!!

I bet most of us are or have been at this point some time in our lives. 

There are many different things which can cause us to feel this way.  Physically i.e. working several jobs or long hours, taking several hours a semester in college, taking care of children and running them to activities, etc.  Emotionally i.e. just trying to cope with things life throws us, illness in children or parents, worry (there's all kinds of things in this area), sadness, too many things coming at us at once, etc.  

I could go on; maybe you have things I didn't mention.  These things can literally exhaust you into depression.  Our minds do not stop.  Whether we are trying to think of what we have to do next, worrying about possible confrontation, or just thinking of our own guilt and a worthless feeling of ourselves.  All of this can play over and over in our heads evenly subconsciously. 

We have to train our minds to consciously think of something else.  For example, if you bite your fingernails out of habit.  Sometimes it's such a habit you don't even realize you are doing it.  So when you decide you want to stop, you have to think about it on purpose i.e. be conscious of when you do it.  This takes practice.  Well, so does thinking good thoughts instead of bad thoughts, stop worrying, stop trying to figure out what is going to happen next, etc.  

If we are not conscious of these things, it can make us so tired, weary and exhausted we just want to give up.  For me, I would just want to sleep so I didn't have to think about it.  These things at times would send me into a downward spiral/depression, but sometimes not so bad.  

God made each one of "wonderfully and beautifully made".  He loves you and does not condemn you and he does not want you to condemn yourself.  So just remember to practice and consciously think in a good direction and see if it will keep you from being tired.

What if you were never born (A wonderful life)

I know Christmas is over, but I wanted to share this since January a high suicide risk month.

Have you ever seen the old Christmas movie "It's a Wonderful Life" from 1946 with Jimmy Stewart  and Donna Reed.  I watch it every year.  It is about a man, George Bailey, who has a dream to travel the world, but plans change when his father needs help with his banking business because it was going under.  Many things happened over several years and he could never get on top financially or be where he wanted to be in life.  It got so bad he began to feel it would be better if he were never born.  So he jumps off a bridge into freezing cold water, but an angel saves him.  The angel shows him what it would be like if he were never born.

The town was taken over by a ruthless banker who was out for himself.  His brother died at a young age because George was not there to save him.  His wife became an oldmaid.  The pharmacist he worked for since childhood became a drunk that no one respected because George wasn't there to help him at one point keep him from


putting the wrong formula together that would have killed someone.  There are other stories, but you get the idea.

So, I'm sure you know where this is going.  What would life like have been like if you weren't born?  You would have not been a brother or sister who stood up for them and protected them.  You would not have been a mom or a dad that has children who were a blessing to you and possibly grew up to be a teacher, doctor, pastor or someone who has influenced MANY lives.  Actually, if you weren't born, your kids wouldn't be here.  What about the people you work with or go to church with? Who's life would be dramatically changed if you were never born?

You may not feel like you matter or that who you are or what you do makes a difference in people's lives, BUT IT DOES!  No one is like you!!!  God did not make any duplicates of any of us.  So if you decide you shouldn't be around anymore, you WILL be missed by many many people.  There are people in each of our lives we touch by our words, our smiles, our presence, our hugs, etc.  If you aren't there, what will happen to that person.

You see at the end of the movie, George Bailey realized that his life did matter.  Even though he wasn't rich financially, he lived in a run down house, and he didn't get to travel like he dreamed, he had much more than that.  He had a community and friends who loved him more than he knew.

Each of us are important to many many people!  Stay around please; many people need and love you!

New Year's Resolutions - YUCK

I don't know about you but I don't make New Year's resolutions anymore.  In the past, I would make them and, as so many of us do, 3 weeks to a month in I've quit.  I stopped working out.  I stopped the diet I started.  Whatever the resolution was, it was quickly forgotten in the everyday hustle and bustle of life.  Then came the guilt along with the negative talk i.e. 'Why did you even make a resolution, you know you never go through with it, 'you cannot even follow one thing thru, why did you even try?', etc.

Many of us who struggle with depression or self-worth can beat ourselves up so bad we send ourselves spiraling down before the end of January.  Big goals are really a struggle for me and sometimes the end is too far away.

This is what I'm going to do this year.  No resolutions!!!  Instead, I'm going to write a daily goal, challenge or chore down on my calendar or to-do list.  At the end of the day, WHEN I have completed the the task I will check it off my list.  I like to check things off, it makes me feel good.  Then I can say to myself, 'Yay you completed something you wrote down'.  This encourages me to keep going.  It also inspires me to maybe do something else that is not on my list.

I'm going to break mine down very simple.  Here's some ideas:
* Vacuum living room
* Drink 8 more ounces of water than you usually do
* Write a note to someone
* Pay a bill
* Walk for 30 minutes
* Set up a doctor's appointment you've been needing to go to
* Study for an hour

Try this and see what you think.  May your New Year be full of blessings and completed goals!!!