Boundaries for the Holidays

Boundaries.  What comes to mind when you hear that word?  Good? Bad?  Boundaries is like a fenced in yard that keeps you from getting out and getting hurt, but it also keeps bad things from getting inside the fence which can protect you.  It's all in the way you look at it.  

One day someone explained how boundaries can protect me.  She said you have to know your limitations.  For instance, I know that I cannot bake something every night of the week, stay up late, find an outfit for a party that weekend, work on Christmas cards, and still get enough rest to go to work the next day AND not be stressed.  So, for me, I know I have to either give something up or delegate.  Knowing this has helped my stress level immensely, made me happier, and I enjoy things a lot more.  However, setting boundaries takes practice, but again we need to change our thinking because once we get used to setting boundaries life will be more enjoyable.

In the past, it was very difficult for me to say no to anyone.  Due to that reason, there came a time in my life where I had to make a choice (set a boundary).  I put stress on myself by feeling I had to accomplish certain things AND I found it extremely difficult to say no.  To decrease my stress level, I had to decide what things I could give up and what things I could handle.  Basically, I was setting boundaries.    

Here are some examples of things to consider setting boundaries on:

* Christmas cards and/or pictures for Christmas cards

* Buying gifts and how much to spend (which will help your budget)

* How many parties do we go to

* Where do we make the cut off of who to buy gifts for

* Who's house do we go to for each holiday and how many in one day

* Oh My Gosh, can we tell Aunt Sally we cannot come to her house this year when we have went there for the last 5-10 years

Now, you are probably thinking 'I can't tell Aunt Sally I won't be there for dinner and we have to buy Uncle Pete's daughter's child a gift for Christmas', right?

I didn't say this would be easy, but I believe you might feel relieved; I definitely have.  I'll be honest, each year something comes up and it is difficult to set a boundary, but I have to do it for my health.  I now know what happens to me when I don't set a boundary; my personal stress level goes up, I become irritable and impatient.  

I'm finally more aware of my triggers so I know where to set my boundaries.  There are things I have chosen not to do anymore at the holiday time.  I have had to stop a couple traditions.  I plan ahead and know who I'll buy gifts for and how much I'll spend.  This did not all happen at once though, but each one has helped my physical and psychological well being.  

Warning:  People will not like it when you set boundaries, because when you set boundaries they don't get "their" way.  But if I don't set boundaries, I'm the one who pays the price not them.  A very dear friend taught me two statements many years ago that have been so so helpful for me: 

1) I'm sorry I'm not going to be able to do that.

2) Let me check my schedule and I'll get back to you.

Start thinking now about what you want your holiday season to look like.  Set your boundaries now.  Start practicing the statements above.  I have had to practice saying them out loud over and over to help me in certain situations which might come up.  It seems silly, but if it is difficult for you to tell people no or feel like you are letting them down, practicing saying these things may just help you.

Send me a comment of your thoughts and ideas about how manage your holidays and boundaries you use.  Your comments could help many others.  May your holidays be set with boundaries that bring you peace.

S.A.D. - Seasonal Affective Disorder

Seasonal Affective Disorder kind of sounds like something to do with allergies, huh?  Well, not the case, but it could effect just as many people.  

This disorder is a type of depression which occurs usually in autumn and winter.  This is the time of year when the days get shorter and dark. The reason it occurs mostly during the winter months is due to lack of sunlight. Other situations in which people don’t get enough sunlight include cloudy or rainy periods at other times of year, living in dark places and working for long hours in dark offices. Whenever there is insufficient sunlight, those people who are vulnerable to Seasonal Affective Disorder may develop symptoms.

The symptoms include fatigue, depression, crying spells, irritability, trouble concentrating, body aches, poor sleep, decreased activity level and over eating.  

Women are about four times as likely to develop SAD as are men. During the winter months, people with SAD are less able to handle stress than they are at other times of year. 

There are several ways to treat SAD and combining the treatments can make things better. 

1) Light therapy - Because SAD is triggered by decreased light.  You can get outdoors more.  You can bring more lighting into your home or office with regular lamps.  There is also phototherapy which can be purchased in the form of light boxes.  I use one every morning while getting ready for work.  I know people who put them on their treadmill in the morning when working out.  If interested look into it or email me.

2) Stress Management - Winter months also come with holidays which obviously brings even more stress than normal.  People with SAD have a decreased ability to handle stress which can cause them to go into a deeper depression.  Refer back to some of my previous blogs on ideas to help handle these triggers.

3) Counseling - For me, my counselor and psychiatrist are very essential.  It has helped me regain stability.  They will also help with ideas for you specifically on how to handle this time in your life.

4) Prescribed antidepressant medications - If you are aware this disorder affects you, the more you incorporate the above suggestions, the more it could reduce you needing antidepressants if at all.  For me since I take antidepressants, we usually just have to make an adjustment through this time and then once the season changes, we go right back to the original medication.

5) Watch your diet - Yuck, who wants to be told that, right?  However, if you are one of us who have SAD, we often crave sweets and starches i.e. all the weight gaining foods.  This is a bad cycle because these foods make you feel good for a short time, then you feel tired, and if you are like me, you want to eat more.  This is an extremely difficult task for me as I am already a stress eater, so when you add SAD to it.....Well, you can figure out the rest.

I encourage you to do a self-check to see if this is something that might be going on.  Even if you do not have a diagnosis of a mental disorder, this can still affect you.  Don't be afraid and think you will be on medication the rest of your life if that is suggested to you by a professional.  But I know it has helped me and others I know to manage this time of year.  

Isn't it worth it to feel better during this time of year?

Walkinitthru?????

I came up with the title of my blog and Facebook page because during my journeys of depression there were times I just did not want to function.  Some times were harder than others.  Many times I could not get out of bed and did not want to get out of bed.  Functioning was not something I felt I could do mentally and physically.

Many people think you can just put your big girl or boy drawers on and go.  At times, it is not possible.  It is not about sucking it up and moving.  It is a mental issue/disorder.  It is something medical; a disease with a diagnosis.  It is similar to being diagnosed with hypertension, cancer, diabetes, etc.  You are diagnosed with a mental disorder of some type.

You hear people say 'one day at a time'.  Sometimes if I could get through one task at a time it was encouraging to me.  But A LOT of the time it was one minute at a time.  The thought of having to move was almost unbearable. 

So walkinitthru is something each of us have to and need to choose to do every single day.  It could be baby steps, minute by minute or day by day.  I encourage you to try with all your might to set a goal to walk, move or think yourself towards a goal.  When we have a goal and we accomplish it, it encourages us and makes us feel good and like we can do it again.  My desire to help you with these blogs and Facebook posts is to encourage you to do just that. 

If I can help in any way, please comment back or send an email to sandy@walkinitthru.com.  I would love to help in anyway I can!!!