It's ok to not be ok!

You know I always felt guilty for different feelings I had.  I did not want to feel sad, lonely, not wanting to participate in any activities, etc.  However, it's how it was.  So many times I just went through the motions all the while telling myself 'you should not feel this way'.  So I would put on my 'happy face' as much as I could.  The only problem was if you know me at all you could (and still can) tell what kind of mood I'm in just by looking at me, so it isn't so easy to hide sometimes.  I thought I always had to look like I had it together.  I needed to appear I was the greatest wife, an awesome mom, a great employee, and that my life was as close to perfect as it could get.  Even when I went to church people would say 'how are you' and I would say 'I'm fine, good or great'; actually sometimes I was lying all along.  Besides already feeling bad, then I felt worse because all the while I was lying, and I knew that was wrong, so it just made me feel worse.

In some of my therapy sessions, my therapist would say 'give yourself permission to feel.....'  She said  sometimes just be saying 'Sandy, tonight I give you permission to not clean the house tonight'; 'I give you permission sit and color in a coloring book tonight.'  'I give you permission to do nothing guilt free.'  It seems like a weird thing to do, but if you are like me I always felt guilty because I thought I should be doing my duties and I felt bad just doing nothing.  However, if you actually tell yourself 'I give you permission' it does something inside that frees you and the guilt can't follow.  Try it some time and see what you think.

One other thing which has relieved me is when my pastor was giving a sermon about depression.  He said 'it is okay to not be okay'.  You see sometimes as christians we feel like depression is a sin.  It is not a sin!  It is Satan's way of keeping you away from God, away from church, away from friends, and secluded.  If Satan can do that then you can't get better.  But in most everyone's life you will have a bout of depression anywhere from minor to major.  MANY people think that christians shouldn't feel this way.  So when my pastor said 'it's okay to not be okay' I was very surprised.  My ears perked up and made me listen more intently.  Did you know there are people in the bible that were depressed.  The thing that is not ok is for you to stay there which, as I said, is where Satan wants us to stay.

So.....give yourself permission to feel how you feel.  If you don't feel okay that's fine, but don't stay there!  Get out.  Share with someone how you feel.  Don't stay secluded and just keep trying!!!