Anxiety

These past 2 weeks have been CRAZY for me.  I had a car wreck which totaled my car.  My dog may has a herniated disk in his back and if he needs surgery it could cost up to $6000.00, REALLY?  Plus if he has the surgery it is only a 50/50 shot that he will not be paralyzed and have to have a lot more medical care.  My dog is actually taking the same pain pills and muscle relaxers as me.  I thought that was kind of funny/strange, huh?  Is he taking human drugs or am I taking dog drugs, just kidding!  Then when I went back to work my knee started bothering me.  I went back to the doctor and now I may have a torn meniscus.  So, I'm dealing with insurance issues, doctor's visits, veterinary visits, pharmacy visits, possible surgery, work issues etc.  So, do you think I'm stressed?  That would be a big YES!

I know I'm not the only one feeling stress in their lives.  So how do you handle it?

My pastor said once "Where we focus is where we will go."  This means if we focus on the anxiety, frustration, and the unknown, that's where we will stay.  God wants us to focus on Him and before we know it the obstacle will be behind us.  "When we are in the middle of stress" before we know it seems like an eternity.  Whether we feel it sometimes or not, God is always by our side.  In Psalm 46:10 it says "Be still and know that I am God".  To me this means, relax, rest, breath slow and deep and let God take over.  I like that idea because when I feel anxious that's all I want to do is nothing.  I also want someone else to handle it for me.  Unfortunately, we can't just keep laying still and expect God to do all the work for us, but he can help us through the day.  We just have to ask for help.  It may come in a big or small way.  He may just give us strength to get through the day 5 minutes at a time.

Let me tell you I'm struggling right now.  I'm not preaching at you; I'm talking to me as well.  It's been difficult these last couple of weeks.  I just want you to know I'm not here to give you fake encouragement; I struggle still.  My encouragement is real, but my struggles are real.  I have to walk through it just like you do, but I want to help you see some steps to take that can help all of us.  Let me just say one more thing.  This takes practice over and over.  I've been dealing with "stuff" for 25 years and I still struggle in trust, faith, and patience, but with practice I have gotten better.  Also, with practice, God has proven He is always right there with me.  Struggle is real, but so is God!!!  Don't give up because God never gives up on you!!!

Emotions and Darkness to Movement

There are so many emotions that go along with depression:

* Fatigue
* Anger
* Decreased or increased appetite

* Lack of deep sleep or oversleeping

* Loss of desire to do anything
* Not wanting to be around people
* Hopelessness (Feeling like your in a dark hole and can't get out)
* Helplessness

I could actually go on and on, but these are the some of the main feelings attached to depression.  You've more than likely heard the phrase "I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel"; this is so true for people with depression.  All we can see is darkness; the kind of darkness that you can't see your hand in front of you.  It's suffocating.  It's so dark you are afraid to move.  So what happens many times is we don't move.  You don't want anyone to have to come get you from the darkness because you are embarrassed that you are there AND embarrassed or ashamed that you have to ask for help.  Plus if you stay still nothing worse can happen to you, but if you don't move nothing good will happen either.

So what do you do?

Take the first step.  I know! I know!  No pun intended with the title "Walkinigtthru".  However, it is true.  The first step could be:
* Just to get out of bed in the morning
* Put on clothes or makeup
* Pray (even if all you can say is "help" or "Jesus"
* Call a friend
* Go to work
* Go to the doctor
* Say one good thing about yourself

I'm the type of person if I have a project I think about the project as a whole; I don't think small or one thing or one step at a time.  I would think 'I want to stop being depressed'.  So instead of taking one of those at a time; I'm looking way ahead and trying to figure out how to do all of them and get to the end all at once. Then......I'm overwhelmed again and say 'what's the use' and I don't do anything.  Hence, one step at a time.

This takes practice and practice and practice.  I promise eventually it will become easier.  Believe me, when people would tell me what I'm telling you I would get so frustrated.  I felt like one step is not enough, but one step is too much.  Please trust me when I say you are worth the effort!!!!!  

It's ok to not be ok!

You know I always felt guilty for different feelings I had.  I did not want to feel sad, lonely, not wanting to participate in any activities, etc.  However, it's how it was.  So many times I just went through the motions all the while telling myself 'you should not feel this way'.  So I would put on my 'happy face' as much as I could.  The only problem was if you know me at all you could (and still can) tell what kind of mood I'm in just by looking at me, so it isn't so easy to hide sometimes.  I thought I always had to look like I had it together.  I needed to appear I was the greatest wife, an awesome mom, a great employee, and that my life was as close to perfect as it could get.  Even when I went to church people would say 'how are you' and I would say 'I'm fine, good or great'; actually sometimes I was lying all along.  Besides already feeling bad, then I felt worse because all the while I was lying, and I knew that was wrong, so it just made me feel worse.

In some of my therapy sessions, my therapist would say 'give yourself permission to feel.....'  She said  sometimes just be saying 'Sandy, tonight I give you permission to not clean the house tonight'; 'I give you permission sit and color in a coloring book tonight.'  'I give you permission to do nothing guilt free.'  It seems like a weird thing to do, but if you are like me I always felt guilty because I thought I should be doing my duties and I felt bad just doing nothing.  However, if you actually tell yourself 'I give you permission' it does something inside that frees you and the guilt can't follow.  Try it some time and see what you think.

One other thing which has relieved me is when my pastor was giving a sermon about depression.  He said 'it is okay to not be okay'.  You see sometimes as christians we feel like depression is a sin.  It is not a sin!  It is Satan's way of keeping you away from God, away from church, away from friends, and secluded.  If Satan can do that then you can't get better.  But in most everyone's life you will have a bout of depression anywhere from minor to major.  MANY people think that christians shouldn't feel this way.  So when my pastor said 'it's okay to not be okay' I was very surprised.  My ears perked up and made me listen more intently.  Did you know there are people in the bible that were depressed.  The thing that is not ok is for you to stay there which, as I said, is where Satan wants us to stay.

So.....give yourself permission to feel how you feel.  If you don't feel okay that's fine, but don't stay there!  Get out.  Share with someone how you feel.  Don't stay secluded and just keep trying!!!