Depression is like a car wreck

There are days you are just driving along in life looking at the scenery, thinking about all kinds of different things, maybe singing to the radio then WHAM someone hits your car.  Instantaneously that moment changes through no fault of your own.  You had control of you and your vehicle.  You were minding your own business.  Then out of the blue one thing that took a couple of seconds to happen has now caused your day and the future days to change.  Depression can be like a car wreck. 

I have had a couple of car wrecks in my life time; one was a fender-bender and one totaled my car.  The fender-bender happened because someone wasn’t paying attention and didn’t stop at a red light and ran into me.  This accident did not cause harm to anyone, but it did damage my vehicle.  I was able to drive home and we had to get an estimate and then get it fixed.  It made things a little inconvenient but not major.  

Sometimes, depression can be similar to a fender-bender.  It can be a trigger which can throw you off balance just a little.  Things like someone hurt your feelings, you made a mistake at work which drops your self-esteem, someone you love disappointed you, etc.

The second wreck I was on the highway slowing down for construction and the person who hit me was coming over a hill and did not see me.  They did not slow down and they were going about 60-65 mph.  I remember looking in the lane beside me, looking directly in front of me and then was hit…… 1-2-3.  It happened that fast.  This altered my life a lot for quite some time.  This caused injuries, surgery, time of work, no vehicle, and a lot of paper issues for months afterwards.

And sometimes depression can be similar to a major crash.  This is similar to a major depressive shift.  It can be caused from not setting boundaries and allowing hurts to come back into your life that you cannot control.  Your body can change causing your medication to not work like it has previously.  Sometimes there is no answer to why this happens, but it does and it is a big deal to someone who is depressed and working so hard to manage life.  You could have a car wreck, death of a loved one, loss of a job, etc.  

Those of us who have been through car wrecks know that things can change in an instant.  Depression is no different.  You can go from being excited about something and the next day you are crying and angry.  It is a challenge for those of us who deal with these unexpected situations to understand what’s going on.  But it is really confusing for those around us who have never personally dealt with depression.  

I would like to encourage you to have the people in your life read this blog to see if it can help them understand what it feels like for us when these things happen which in turn may help them to understand what it feels like for us.  

The Struggle is Real!

I just recently learned people are 40% more likely to commit suicide in January than any other time.  All this time I thought it was in December.  My logic was the difficulties of the holidays whether it be finances, loneliness, grief, changes in life over the last year, etc.

So as I thought about the reason, it kind of makes sense.  There is this hype or buildup to the holidays; good or bad.  The stress level is difficult even in the best of circumstances.  We are have gifts to buy, and we feel the need to meet or better last year's gifts and experiences.  There are parties or events to attend.  We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by not coming to their party or family time together; so there's that weight of guilt and decision making.  For those of us who struggle with depression, the season multiples these feelings.

Then the holidays are over.  Relieved?!  Let down?  Families from out of town went home.  Bills start coming in for the charges we made to pay for gifts.  That's when I understood about the increase in suicide.

So, what is the solution?  Understand you are not alone and what you are feeling is real.  Everyone is all about New Year's resolutions right now and my advice is to make a resolution to just take one day at a time.  Obviously, you can't pay off the credit cards in a month, so make your goals small.  Decide to let go of your guilt about things you couldn't do during the holidays.  Maybe send cards or make a call to those people you were not able to spend time with.  Last but not least, take some time to jot down the good things that happened during the holidays.  This way you can end on a good note and visibly see the good which will help to make a good choice to move forward with a positive note!  Please don't commit suicide---you WILL be missed.  The struggle is real, but you have made it this far!!!!

Tools to help depression: Writing

I don't know about you, but I always want something tangible to have or do to help me with my depression and usually I want it FAST!  Writing is something most of us can do at any given time.  This is one of the things that has helped me at my darkest times of depression and during the calm.  

When I was a little girl, I loved to write.  I would play teacher and write on the chalkboard.  I would make up lesson plans writing everything down for all of my students (this was back in the day when there were no computers or typewriters for that matter).  In elementary school, we spent a lot of time practicing printing and cursive which I enjoyed very much.  Then in junior high school when we didn't have to write the "correct" way, I practiced making letters differently and uniquely.  I practiced signing my name in different ways.  I have even started to learn calligraphy.

I'm sure you have heard people talking about journaling or writing down your thoughts.  Many are overwhelmed just thinking about this the same way you felt when you had to do a school report.  You had to make sure your sentences were grammatically correct and they didn't end in a preposition.  Your paragraphs had to end and begin with a flow, etc.  Well, the good thing about writing this way is none of that matters. 

There was this exercise the teachers used to have us do when we had to come up with a topic for a paper.  They would give us five minutes to write anything and everything that came to our mind.  We didn't have to write in sentences.  Nothing had to be grammatically correct.  We were just to write everything that came to our minds.  This is the kind of writing I am talking for now.

Because depression has such a stigma and many of us don't want to share this with others, we tend to keep things inside.  Counselors and psychiatrists say holding things in causes us more stress.  My thoughts though were 'there is no one to talk to or that I want to tell all of these things to', so what am I supposed to do with that.  I was encouraged to write.  Actually, I wrote even before I was told it could be cathartic.  I found that as I was writing I did get some relief.  Sometimes I figured out problems.  Sometimes I wrote feelings down I didn't know I had.  Sometimes I just wrote.  

You may be thinking 'where do I begin'?  It is super easy.  Get your favorite writing tool i.e. pen, pencil, crayon, markers, etc.  Get a piece of paper i.e. plain, lined, construction, etc.  Take these things with you when you are watching TV, in the bathroom, soaking in the tub, on an airplane, vacation, watching the kids at the park.   Anywhere.  Then, write the first thing that comes to your head.  Here are some of the ways I have written over time which may help:

*  I have written about what happened that made me happy, sad, mad....

*  I have written a letter to the person I'm upset with (but never gave it to them)

*  I have written a letter to God telling Him what was going on and my feelings

*  I have just written single words that came to me

* I have actually written EEEERRRRGGGGHHHH over and over and over again because I didn't know what to write and that was my written form of yelling

There are absolutely no rules when it comes to writing.  It can be any way you want which is another thing I like about writing....I don't have to follow any rules or guidelines; I get to do it my way and so can you.  My dad used to carry a notepad the size of his shirt pocket.  You can do whatever you want; make it plain, simple, or fun.  I have made shopping trips to Office Depot to find new ink pens, special colored ink pens, notebooks, and journals.  I even love to go school supply shopping just to see the new writing stuff.  

You can do whatever works for you.  Give it a try.  Start simple and slow.  See if it helps, it's worth a shot, right?