13 Reasons Why

You probably have heard of this show, 13 Reasons Why, either from the news, your children, friends, or coworkers.  Many people, including myself, had the same reaction 'they are glorifying suicide' especially in our children.

This show is based on a high school teenagers time in high school.  So, guess who is watching it?  You are right, our children/teenagers.  Since I am so passionate about helping people with depression and thoughts of suicide, I was intrigued by this show.  I wanted to see what it was all about and form my own opinion.  I have to say the story line drew me in and I can also see why our children, hopefully 13 and up, are watching this show.  It is because they can relate to it; NO, not trying to commit suicide, but it is relatable to what goes on in some of their daily lives.

This show talks about:

* Bullying
* Peer pressure
* Alcohol
* Sex
* Gay/Lesbians
* Rape
* Lies
* Cutting


This show is extremely graphic, has a lot of bad language, fighting, and more.  It is hard to watch at times.  If it was a movie, I would not watch it because of everything in it.  However, I saw some of the same things happen to the person who committed suicide as to the feelings I have felt.

* I have felt like people were talking behind my back.
* I have felt like no one liked me.
* I have felt peer pressure even as an adult.
* I have felt like I was never good enough.
* I have felt I should do more to make others happy.
* I have felt like others would be better off without me around.

I have had each of these feelings as a child, teenager, and as an adult.  You see depression isn't just in adults.  These young people struggle with so many things.  As adults, most of us don't understand how to handle what we are feeling.  Many of us are embarrassed to admit we need help let alone get help so if we have trouble coping, you know they have to.

Most children/teenagers don't understand how they feel or what they are feeling so therefore, why should we expect them to know how to manage these feelings. It is our responsibility as parents, mentors, etc to help them.  We need to help them understand what they are feeling and how to manage it.  I believe we should let them know it is okay to have feelings, but suicide is not the way out.

For me, this show is just a reminder of the struggles for any of us, adults or kids.  Again, suicide should not be the option for any of us.  No matter what you are going through, THERE IS A WAY OUT!!

There are people who care and people you can reach out too:

Churches
Suicide Hotlines
Teachers
Crisis Hotlines
Al-Anon Groups
Alcoholics Anonymous Groups
National Alliance of Mental Health Groups.

Forgive yourself; It's freeing!

Many of us expect a lot more out of ourselves than we do from others.

Standards set as a child by parents can carry into adulthood.  If you were scolded because you didn't make good enough grades or were always getting in trouble for something, you feel one of two things.  You may feel like you don't measure up to anyone's standards and/or you may feel like you don't even meet up to your own standards.  Sometimes the expectations others put on us, whether parents, teachers, or friends, cause us to feel like we have to be perfect or as close to perfect as we can possibly get.

I know as a young adult I would compare myself to other families.  Families I knew who sat down at dinner every night and shared their stories from the day.  I found myself comparing my family to families on TV shows or movies.  These are just a couple.  However, when you compare yourself to others, you cause yourself to feel unnecessary guilt.  Later on in life, I learned that as a family it was okay to be the kind of family we were and "I" did not have to feel guilty for not obtaining those things I was comparing myself to.  There was nothing wrong with our family if we didn't sit down to dinner every night.  Things worked out and life was fine.

Last but definitely not least, I put goals and expectations on myself and when I don't complete them I would put myself down and be really disappointed.  It could be anything from not completing a project to not learning as fast as others.  Often times I find myself saying, "See you never finish anything, what a loser".  When really what is thing big deal if I don't finish something.  Maybe I'll come back later and finish it or  maybe that wasn't the right timing for something.

Being an adult is hard!  Right?!  I sometimes say "I don't want to play anymore".  It's hard.  However, through a lot of therapy and soul searching, I discovered I'm okay just the way I am.

Try writing a forgiveness letter.  It is actually very cathartic.  I literally wrote, "I forgive you for _________".  When writing things down, we can see what is in our head and we remember it more.  I actually felt better.  It feels freeing and it helps stress go away.  It's not even a bad idea to do this as often as you need to.

Forgive yourself.  God forgives you so why won't you!

The Hard Truths About Life with Mental Illness

DISCLAIMER:  I found this writing below on something I read.  I had to share it because I feel it is dead on about how many of us feel.  Hope it helps!

OK, real talk. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of feeling crappy all the time. I’m tired of always reading the situation, watching and waiting for anxiety to pounce. I’m tired of depression ruining a good week. I’m tired of feeling short-tempered and cranky because my moods change so frequently and intensely.

I hate that insomnia and I have become reluctant friends, and sleep and I aren’t talking. I hate hating myself. I hate blaming myself. I hate hurting. I hate hurting others because I’m hurting. I hate seeing my relationships hurt and fall apart. I hate not having energy or interest in much, if anything. I hate fighting, and I hate losing.

Almost every day now, I convince myself recovery is a pipe dream. I see where I’ve been, I see where I am and I see how many millions of miles away recovery is. I know it’s not getting any closer. I’m not getting any better. I’m getting worse, and I’ve been getting worse for a long time.

I’m not saying this to throw my own pity party. I’m saying this, here in this space, because I know you’ve said it too. At least once, maybe many more times than that. We all know mental illness sucks big time. It’s a fact of life. However, knowing this, knowing what we face every day, knowing what we’ve gone through and knowing what we will go through is just going to be as bad if not worse, makes us some bad ass warriors.

So, yes. This sucks. We can go ahead and throw the blame around on God, genetics, the environment or our upbringings. The fact remains that we are stuck with these illnesses — but, we have learned to live with them.

We have learned how to celebrate our good days and manage our bad days. We have learned what helps and what doesn’t. We have learned how to cohabitate with these snakes in the grass. We have indeed made progress from where we were.

So, even if we have a million miles to go toward recovery, we can look at ourselves in the mirror and say, “Even if I only take one small step today, I got this.” We do indeed got this because we are finding our strength every day. We are fighting every day. Even though it doesn’t always feel like it, we are indeed winning every single day. We got this.

Stay strong.