Forgive yourself; It's freeing!

Many of us expect a lot more out of ourselves than we do from others.

Standards set as a child by parents can carry into adulthood.  If you were scolded because you didn't make good enough grades or were always getting in trouble for something, you feel one of two things.  You may feel like you don't measure up to anyone's standards and/or you may feel like you don't even meet up to your own standards.  Sometimes the expectations others put on us, whether parents, teachers, or friends, cause us to feel like we have to be perfect or as close to perfect as we can possibly get.

I know as a young adult I would compare myself to other families.  Families I knew who sat down at dinner every night and shared their stories from the day.  I found myself comparing my family to families on TV shows or movies.  These are just a couple.  However, when you compare yourself to others, you cause yourself to feel unnecessary guilt.  Later on in life, I learned that as a family it was okay to be the kind of family we were and "I" did not have to feel guilty for not obtaining those things I was comparing myself to.  There was nothing wrong with our family if we didn't sit down to dinner every night.  Things worked out and life was fine.

Last but definitely not least, I put goals and expectations on myself and when I don't complete them I would put myself down and be really disappointed.  It could be anything from not completing a project to not learning as fast as others.  Often times I find myself saying, "See you never finish anything, what a loser".  When really what is thing big deal if I don't finish something.  Maybe I'll come back later and finish it or  maybe that wasn't the right timing for something.

Being an adult is hard!  Right?!  I sometimes say "I don't want to play anymore".  It's hard.  However, through a lot of therapy and soul searching, I discovered I'm okay just the way I am.

Try writing a forgiveness letter.  It is actually very cathartic.  I literally wrote, "I forgive you for _________".  When writing things down, we can see what is in our head and we remember it more.  I actually felt better.  It feels freeing and it helps stress go away.  It's not even a bad idea to do this as often as you need to.

Forgive yourself.  God forgives you so why won't you!

The Hard Truths About Life with Mental Illness

DISCLAIMER:  I found this writing below on something I read.  I had to share it because I feel it is dead on about how many of us feel.  Hope it helps!

OK, real talk. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of feeling crappy all the time. I’m tired of always reading the situation, watching and waiting for anxiety to pounce. I’m tired of depression ruining a good week. I’m tired of feeling short-tempered and cranky because my moods change so frequently and intensely.

I hate that insomnia and I have become reluctant friends, and sleep and I aren’t talking. I hate hating myself. I hate blaming myself. I hate hurting. I hate hurting others because I’m hurting. I hate seeing my relationships hurt and fall apart. I hate not having energy or interest in much, if anything. I hate fighting, and I hate losing.

Almost every day now, I convince myself recovery is a pipe dream. I see where I’ve been, I see where I am and I see how many millions of miles away recovery is. I know it’s not getting any closer. I’m not getting any better. I’m getting worse, and I’ve been getting worse for a long time.

I’m not saying this to throw my own pity party. I’m saying this, here in this space, because I know you’ve said it too. At least once, maybe many more times than that. We all know mental illness sucks big time. It’s a fact of life. However, knowing this, knowing what we face every day, knowing what we’ve gone through and knowing what we will go through is just going to be as bad if not worse, makes us some bad ass warriors.

So, yes. This sucks. We can go ahead and throw the blame around on God, genetics, the environment or our upbringings. The fact remains that we are stuck with these illnesses — but, we have learned to live with them.

We have learned how to celebrate our good days and manage our bad days. We have learned what helps and what doesn’t. We have learned how to cohabitate with these snakes in the grass. We have indeed made progress from where we were.

So, even if we have a million miles to go toward recovery, we can look at ourselves in the mirror and say, “Even if I only take one small step today, I got this.” We do indeed got this because we are finding our strength every day. We are fighting every day. Even though it doesn’t always feel like it, we are indeed winning every single day. We got this.

Stay strong.

During the Good Times

I have found over the years when the bad times happen, when depression has kicked into high gear, I do not want to do anything, go anywhere, talk to anyone, etc.  Most of us with mental illness can relate to this in similar ways.  Many times when things are bad, I cannot talk myself into doing anything, even answer text messages.

In previous blogs, I've talked about things we can do during the bad times to help us through.  However, what I have discovered for me is I need to decide what to do during the good times so when the bad times come I have a plan in place.

1) Get an accountability partner.  This can be a good friend, coworker, pastor, classmate, etc.  You need someone you can trust and understands what you need.  When you call them, you don't have to go into details; just make up a couple of words so they know you need help; help to encourage you to get out of bed, show up to work, class, church, etc.

2) Decide to take a bath or a shower.  This seems like an obvious simple thing, but in the middle of depression it is not.  Most of the time if I can get away with it and know that I don't have to see anyone, why take a shower is my thought.  It is amazing what a simple shower or bath can do for your mental welfare.  Make the decision to drag yourself into the bathroom and clean up, even it is a 3 minute event.

3) Decide to walk outside and stand in the sun for 5-10 minutes.  Sunlight is a source of vitamin D which plays a role in our depression.

4) Do not cancel commitments.  Go to class, your child's school event, a friend's baby shower, church, work, etc.

Again, these things may seem silly to people who do not struggle with a mental illness.  But during the good times when depression is under control, we need to make decisions on what we need to do when depression is out of control.  This can help us through!!!