Give Yourself Permission

Doesn't that seem like a strange thing to say; give yourself permission?

When we were children, we had to ask our parents or an adult for permission to do something or go somewhere.  Sometimes we would be able to and sometimes not.  As adults, we don't usually have to ask for permission unless it's time off from our job or from some responsibility we have.  In general, however, we can eat when we want, we can be on the computer as much as we want, stay up as long as we want, etc.

I remember when my kids were in school.  They worked really hard at homework, school projects, church activities, and other activities they were involved in.  They had this tendency, even at a young age, to pile on things.  We do this as adults all the time.  I told my kids when they needed a break just to let me know and they had my permission to take a day off from school.  Occasionally, when I could see they were getting to a point of needing a break, I would ask them if they wanted to stay home from school.  I wanted to remind them it was okay to take a break sometimes.

As adults. we have a huge load of responsibility.  We work, go to school, we are married, we volunteer, we go to our children's functions and help them with homework.  We also have to pay bills, go grocery shopping, and clothes shopping for ourselves and our family.  Some of us have grandkids we also want to make time for.  We go to church or other groups we are involved in.  We have to take care of the house and/or the lawn.  The list never stops.

Have you ever given yourself permission to sit and read a book?  How about permission to skip mowing the lawn until tomorrow night?  Will the world come to an end if we don't get it done? We need rest to be the best we can be.

What about permission for other things like being sad, being happy, being silly, or feeling lonely?  It's  okay to have these feelings as well.  As adults, I believe we push those things aside because we have so much to do.  We need to allow ourselves these things as well.  They are just as important as the physical things we need to do.  One of the things my counselor told me was to say it out loud so you can hear yourself.  "Sandy, you have my permission to cry for 15 minutes".  "Sandy, you have my permission to take a 30 minute nap when you get home from work".  Saying things out loud seems to be more effective.  It's amazing what this can do for your well being.  You are giving yourself a gift by giving yourself permission to have or do something you need,
and I believe this will help you be a better you!!!

I CAN'T..........

I can't take this anymore!  I can't do this anymore!  I don't know how many times I have said this in my lifetime!

Things happened at different times in my life and I told myself "I don't think I can do this anymore"; some by my own fault and some not.  As a teenager, I would feel left out or not important enough.  I have even felt the same way in certain jobs throughout my life.

As a mom, trying to instill the right things in my children's lives feeling like I said the same things OVER AND OVER again and I just didn't think they are getting it.

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There are so many areas of struggle in each of our lives, i.e. financial stress, making a big mistake which will take a long time to fix or rectify, marital struggles, death of those we love, physical pain in our bodies, etc.  Life, the enemy, throws everything under the sun at us and I mean EVERYTHING!  As I am typing this, it just seems so basic and generic, but these things are so real and so raw for a large majority of us.  Some people struggle with this periodically, but some have done this on a daily basis so much so it gets to that point you say "I really don't think I can do this anymore".

I am a fixer so when I can't fix something in my own life or the life of the people I love, I can let it consume me.  I have done so at times that I have literally been in the floor sobbing and gasping for air because I can't fix it and I hurt so bad for them.  I have felt that way myself through my times of depression.  There wasn't enough food, anti-anxiety medication, or sleeping to make anything go away.  I would pace the floor trying to think of a solution or a way out of what I was going through.

I'm not sure where you are in life right now.  What I do know is "YOU CAN DO THIS!"  I didn't say it would be easy, but here are, what I feel, at 3 essential steps to take:
1) Let at least 1 person know you are struggling.  This could be the hardest of all, but the best thing you could ever do.
2) Make a promise to someone that you won't give up.
3) Find an accountability/prayer partner which could be the person you tell.

If you have never been through anything similar to this, I am very happy for you!!!  For those of us who have, we don't feel like anyone has ever been through or understands where we are.  However, let me tell you there are a lot of people who have been where you are.  Even if they haven't been exactly where you are, there are people who love you so much, would never be ashamed of you, or even make fun of you.  Don't give up!  Let someone in!  Let someone love on you!  Let someone share the load!  Sometimes if we share, they may even have 'a way out' for you or be willing to walk through it with you.

It is not easy for me to open up and share my struggles when I'm going through things.  I was going through something once and decided to share it with a friend.  She would hold me when I sobbed.  She prayed with me and for me.  She smiled and checked in on me often.  Then she celebrated with me when I got through it.

I am sure you have heard the saying 'God won't put more on you than you can handle'.  Guess what? That is biblical.  In 1 Corinthians 10:13 it says 'No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. (which means it is a common problem many of us have or are going through)  And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. (You can do this)  But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.'  God is faithful!  God does what he says!

TIRED/WEARY/EXHAUSTED!!!

I bet most of us are or have been at this point some time in our lives. 

There are many different things which can cause us to feel this way.  Physically i.e. working several jobs or long hours, taking several hours a semester in college, taking care of children and running them to activities, etc.  Emotionally i.e. just trying to cope with things life throws us, illness in children or parents, worry (there's all kinds of things in this area), sadness, too many things coming at us at once, etc.  

I could go on; maybe you have things I didn't mention.  These things can literally exhaust you into depression.  Our minds do not stop.  Whether we are trying to think of what we have to do next, worrying about possible confrontation, or just thinking of our own guilt and a worthless feeling of ourselves.  All of this can play over and over in our heads evenly subconsciously. 

We have to train our minds to consciously think of something else.  For example, if you bite your fingernails out of habit.  Sometimes it's such a habit you don't even realize you are doing it.  So when you decide you want to stop, you have to think about it on purpose i.e. be conscious of when you do it.  This takes practice.  Well, so does thinking good thoughts instead of bad thoughts, stop worrying, stop trying to figure out what is going to happen next, etc.  

If we are not conscious of these things, it can make us so tired, weary and exhausted we just want to give up.  For me, I would just want to sleep so I didn't have to think about it.  These things at times would send me into a downward spiral/depression, but sometimes not so bad.  

God made each one of "wonderfully and beautifully made".  He loves you and does not condemn you and he does not want you to condemn yourself.  So just remember to practice and consciously think in a good direction and see if it will keep you from being tired.