Tools to help depression: Writing

I don't know about you, but I always want something tangible to have or do to help me with my depression and usually I want it FAST!  Writing is something most of us can do at any given time.  This is one of the things that has helped me at my darkest times of depression and during the calm.  

When I was a little girl, I loved to write.  I would play teacher and write on the chalkboard.  I would make up lesson plans writing everything down for all of my students (this was back in the day when there were no computers or typewriters for that matter).  In elementary school, we spent a lot of time practicing printing and cursive which I enjoyed very much.  Then in junior high school when we didn't have to write the "correct" way, I practiced making letters differently and uniquely.  I practiced signing my name in different ways.  I have even started to learn calligraphy.

I'm sure you have heard people talking about journaling or writing down your thoughts.  Many are overwhelmed just thinking about this the same way you felt when you had to do a school report.  You had to make sure your sentences were grammatically correct and they didn't end in a preposition.  Your paragraphs had to end and begin with a flow, etc.  Well, the good thing about writing this way is none of that matters. 

There was this exercise the teachers used to have us do when we had to come up with a topic for a paper.  They would give us five minutes to write anything and everything that came to our mind.  We didn't have to write in sentences.  Nothing had to be grammatically correct.  We were just to write everything that came to our minds.  This is the kind of writing I am talking for now.

Because depression has such a stigma and many of us don't want to share this with others, we tend to keep things inside.  Counselors and psychiatrists say holding things in causes us more stress.  My thoughts though were 'there is no one to talk to or that I want to tell all of these things to', so what am I supposed to do with that.  I was encouraged to write.  Actually, I wrote even before I was told it could be cathartic.  I found that as I was writing I did get some relief.  Sometimes I figured out problems.  Sometimes I wrote feelings down I didn't know I had.  Sometimes I just wrote.  

You may be thinking 'where do I begin'?  It is super easy.  Get your favorite writing tool i.e. pen, pencil, crayon, markers, etc.  Get a piece of paper i.e. plain, lined, construction, etc.  Take these things with you when you are watching TV, in the bathroom, soaking in the tub, on an airplane, vacation, watching the kids at the park.   Anywhere.  Then, write the first thing that comes to your head.  Here are some of the ways I have written over time which may help:

*  I have written about what happened that made me happy, sad, mad....

*  I have written a letter to the person I'm upset with (but never gave it to them)

*  I have written a letter to God telling Him what was going on and my feelings

*  I have just written single words that came to me

* I have actually written EEEERRRRGGGGHHHH over and over and over again because I didn't know what to write and that was my written form of yelling

There are absolutely no rules when it comes to writing.  It can be any way you want which is another thing I like about writing....I don't have to follow any rules or guidelines; I get to do it my way and so can you.  My dad used to carry a notepad the size of his shirt pocket.  You can do whatever you want; make it plain, simple, or fun.  I have made shopping trips to Office Depot to find new ink pens, special colored ink pens, notebooks, and journals.  I even love to go school supply shopping just to see the new writing stuff.  

You can do whatever works for you.  Give it a try.  Start simple and slow.  See if it helps, it's worth a shot, right?

Walkin It Thru: Storms: A Walk through Depression

Walkin It Thru: Storms: A Walk through Depression: I'm so excited to share with you my book with you!  My desire is to help others with things I have gone through.  My prayers is that th...

Storms: A Walk through Depression

I'm so excited to share with you my book with you!  My desire is to help others with things I have gone through.  My prayers is that this will help at least one person!!!!  Sandy 

https://www.amazon.com/Storms-Walk-through-Depression/dp/1546731237/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1510446434&sr=8-1&keywords=storms%3A+a+walk+through+depression&dpID=41NUDekgvzL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch

Depression Lies

“Do not believe the things you tell yourself when you are sad and alone” unknown

Depression twists our thoughts. It will try to control your life by controlling your thoughts. Don’t be held captive by its lies.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13

13 Reasons Why

You probably have heard of this show, 13 Reasons Why, either from the news, your children, friends, or coworkers.  Many people, including myself, had the same reaction 'they are glorifying suicide' especially in our children.

This show is based on a high school teenagers time in high school.  So, guess who is watching it?  You are right, our children/teenagers.  Since I am so passionate about helping people with depression and thoughts of suicide, I was intrigued by this show.  I wanted to see what it was all about and form my own opinion.  I have to say the story line drew me in and I can also see why our children, hopefully 13 and up, are watching this show.  It is because they can relate to it; NO, not trying to commit suicide, but it is relatable to what goes on in some of their daily lives.

This show talks about:

* Bullying
* Peer pressure
* Alcohol
* Sex
* Gay/Lesbians
* Rape
* Lies
* Cutting


This show is extremely graphic, has a lot of bad language, fighting, and more.  It is hard to watch at times.  If it was a movie, I would not watch it because of everything in it.  However, I saw some of the same things happen to the person who committed suicide as to the feelings I have felt.

* I have felt like people were talking behind my back.
* I have felt like no one liked me.
* I have felt peer pressure even as an adult.
* I have felt like I was never good enough.
* I have felt I should do more to make others happy.
* I have felt like others would be better off without me around.

I have had each of these feelings as a child, teenager, and as an adult.  You see depression isn't just in adults.  These young people struggle with so many things.  As adults, most of us don't understand how to handle what we are feeling.  Many of us are embarrassed to admit we need help let alone get help so if we have trouble coping, you know they have to.

Most children/teenagers don't understand how they feel or what they are feeling so therefore, why should we expect them to know how to manage these feelings. It is our responsibility as parents, mentors, etc to help them.  We need to help them understand what they are feeling and how to manage it.  I believe we should let them know it is okay to have feelings, but suicide is not the way out.

For me, this show is just a reminder of the struggles for any of us, adults or kids.  Again, suicide should not be the option for any of us.  No matter what you are going through, THERE IS A WAY OUT!!

There are people who care and people you can reach out too:

Churches
Suicide Hotlines
Teachers
Crisis Hotlines
Al-Anon Groups
Alcoholics Anonymous Groups
National Alliance of Mental Health Groups.

Forgive yourself; It's freeing!

Many of us expect a lot more out of ourselves than we do from others.

Standards set as a child by parents can carry into adulthood.  If you were scolded because you didn't make good enough grades or were always getting in trouble for something, you feel one of two things.  You may feel like you don't measure up to anyone's standards and/or you may feel like you don't even meet up to your own standards.  Sometimes the expectations others put on us, whether parents, teachers, or friends, cause us to feel like we have to be perfect or as close to perfect as we can possibly get.

I know as a young adult I would compare myself to other families.  Families I knew who sat down at dinner every night and shared their stories from the day.  I found myself comparing my family to families on TV shows or movies.  These are just a couple.  However, when you compare yourself to others, you cause yourself to feel unnecessary guilt.  Later on in life, I learned that as a family it was okay to be the kind of family we were and "I" did not have to feel guilty for not obtaining those things I was comparing myself to.  There was nothing wrong with our family if we didn't sit down to dinner every night.  Things worked out and life was fine.

Last but definitely not least, I put goals and expectations on myself and when I don't complete them I would put myself down and be really disappointed.  It could be anything from not completing a project to not learning as fast as others.  Often times I find myself saying, "See you never finish anything, what a loser".  When really what is thing big deal if I don't finish something.  Maybe I'll come back later and finish it or  maybe that wasn't the right timing for something.

Being an adult is hard!  Right?!  I sometimes say "I don't want to play anymore".  It's hard.  However, through a lot of therapy and soul searching, I discovered I'm okay just the way I am.

Try writing a forgiveness letter.  It is actually very cathartic.  I literally wrote, "I forgive you for _________".  When writing things down, we can see what is in our head and we remember it more.  I actually felt better.  It feels freeing and it helps stress go away.  It's not even a bad idea to do this as often as you need to.

Forgive yourself.  God forgives you so why won't you!

The Hard Truths About Life with Mental Illness

DISCLAIMER:  I found this writing below on something I read.  I had to share it because I feel it is dead on about how many of us feel.  Hope it helps!

OK, real talk. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of feeling crappy all the time. I’m tired of always reading the situation, watching and waiting for anxiety to pounce. I’m tired of depression ruining a good week. I’m tired of feeling short-tempered and cranky because my moods change so frequently and intensely.

I hate that insomnia and I have become reluctant friends, and sleep and I aren’t talking. I hate hating myself. I hate blaming myself. I hate hurting. I hate hurting others because I’m hurting. I hate seeing my relationships hurt and fall apart. I hate not having energy or interest in much, if anything. I hate fighting, and I hate losing.

Almost every day now, I convince myself recovery is a pipe dream. I see where I’ve been, I see where I am and I see how many millions of miles away recovery is. I know it’s not getting any closer. I’m not getting any better. I’m getting worse, and I’ve been getting worse for a long time.

I’m not saying this to throw my own pity party. I’m saying this, here in this space, because I know you’ve said it too. At least once, maybe many more times than that. We all know mental illness sucks big time. It’s a fact of life. However, knowing this, knowing what we face every day, knowing what we’ve gone through and knowing what we will go through is just going to be as bad if not worse, makes us some bad ass warriors.

So, yes. This sucks. We can go ahead and throw the blame around on God, genetics, the environment or our upbringings. The fact remains that we are stuck with these illnesses — but, we have learned to live with them.

We have learned how to celebrate our good days and manage our bad days. We have learned what helps and what doesn’t. We have learned how to cohabitate with these snakes in the grass. We have indeed made progress from where we were.

So, even if we have a million miles to go toward recovery, we can look at ourselves in the mirror and say, “Even if I only take one small step today, I got this.” We do indeed got this because we are finding our strength every day. We are fighting every day. Even though it doesn’t always feel like it, we are indeed winning every single day. We got this.

Stay strong.

During the Good Times

I have found over the years when the bad times happen, when depression has kicked into high gear, I do not want to do anything, go anywhere, talk to anyone, etc.  Most of us with mental illness can relate to this in similar ways.  Many times when things are bad, I cannot talk myself into doing anything, even answer text messages.

In previous blogs, I've talked about things we can do during the bad times to help us through.  However, what I have discovered for me is I need to decide what to do during the good times so when the bad times come I have a plan in place.

1) Get an accountability partner.  This can be a good friend, coworker, pastor, classmate, etc.  You need someone you can trust and understands what you need.  When you call them, you don't have to go into details; just make up a couple of words so they know you need help; help to encourage you to get out of bed, show up to work, class, church, etc.

2) Decide to take a bath or a shower.  This seems like an obvious simple thing, but in the middle of depression it is not.  Most of the time if I can get away with it and know that I don't have to see anyone, why take a shower is my thought.  It is amazing what a simple shower or bath can do for your mental welfare.  Make the decision to drag yourself into the bathroom and clean up, even it is a 3 minute event.

3) Decide to walk outside and stand in the sun for 5-10 minutes.  Sunlight is a source of vitamin D which plays a role in our depression.

4) Do not cancel commitments.  Go to class, your child's school event, a friend's baby shower, church, work, etc.

Again, these things may seem silly to people who do not struggle with a mental illness.  But during the good times when depression is under control, we need to make decisions on what we need to do when depression is out of control.  This can help us through!!!